thank you
you would too if you were a man

blakejp:

Alcohol is not the answer, you guys.

(Alcohol is the question. The answer is “yes.”)

Are you surprised that I’m a virgin
Or surprised that people are surprised by that fact?

took you long enough, Blake
whaddup homeskillet 

ALEX TURNER: “Darling, tell me something I don’t know..” 

arcticmonkeysus:

alright Mr. T, you wanted it you got it.

THINGS ALEX TURNER DOESN’T KNOW:

• How you get your kisses to fill him with electricity.
• What you’re looking for (romance or…?).
• What it is that they want.
• The distance from Hunter’s Bar to San Francisco.
• What his story might be, what his story might be.
• Why they can’t just be pleasant or have a laugh.
• How deep is too deep.
• When Fiona’s parents get home.
• If you could’ve made it that bit better on your own.
• What she’s up to. He can only assume.
• Where you have been to, what you have been through.
• This is actually the second time she broke his heart.
• Where you’re going baby. S’pose it depends.
• That somebody’s partner is what she isn’t.
• There’s a certain age you’re supposed to be. Nobody told him.
• Where she is this afternoon.
• How to put a cork in the fuss.
• How to word it. But he knew wanted what he wanted to say.
• What it’s like to hold the jeweller’s hands.
• She’s pretty fuckin far from nice.
• How much you’ve had, but maybe you ought to not have anymore.
• Where your love has gone.
• What he’s done to trigger funny looks and sniggers.
• If the funny looks and sniggers even exist.
• Luke Pritchard is a person who exists.
• Blouses are for girls.
• If you’re not a pimp or a sultan, you don’t get to wear a pinky ring.
• I dunno… ehhhh… 
• How to feign interest in an interview.
• When he gets lost in his own thought, everyone else is still physically present in the room.
• The 1950’s ended… like, 70 years ago.
• Pointing is fuckin rude.
• White men can’t jump.
• Saying “fuck” all the time isn’t a substitute for facial hair.
• Matt Helders’ middle name.

#ThingsAlexTurnerDoesntKnow

mother of CHRIST

Album Reviews By The Guy Who Loves Brainstorm 

Alright you guys, you already know I really loved Brainstorm. Turns out there are other snogs from this indie rock band that don’t suck. I found them using the Lime Wires, which I can teach you how to do if you want. Just send an E-Mail message.

ANYWAY, I finally listened to the rest of The Arctic Monkeys new music album Favorite Worst Nightmear, and I’m ready to give you a thorough track-by-track review of the music album.

1. Brainstorm - probably the best snog ever written. I bet Jesus really regrets not coming back now. 10/10
2. Teddy Pricke - not sure. the tone of it suggests I should be offended, but unfortunately I don’t understand the lyrics. Kind of snobby. 6/10
3. D is for Dang Euros - didn’t even know these guys were American! any song that calls Euros “dirty little Herberts” is a winner in my book. USA > The Europe. 8/10
4. Baklava - not really into the whole Jewish thing, but it has a good bass line and sounds kind of like jazz at the end. my black friend Cory said it was “tight” so I felt pretty cool about that. 7/10
5. Flour Scent Adolescent - a very catchy snog, you guys. the plot is complex, but I figured it out. Axel can’t find where the girl went because flour doesn’t really have a scent. He seems like the kind of guy who would search for people using his sense of smell instead of, like, a cell phone or eyesight. 9/10
6. Only Ones Who Wonk - a real clunker. some corncob is in Paris or whatever and he wants to impress some bimbo. But he doesn’t know where the good dubstep nightclubs are because everybody in France pretends they don’t understand English. Just thinking about those snobs ruins it for me. This snog is a real snooze fest. -5/10
7. Do Me A Favor - only for freaky people who like getting punched in the face during lovemakin. not a big fan of the stupid bass line. sounds like some hobo playing a mouth harp. pretty average snog. 6/10
8. Shit House Is A Circus - this song is about partying in a frat house. if you’re a guy it will make you self conscious about hiding your feelings with aggressive and harmful behavior. if you’re a girl it probably reminds you of getting groped at a foam party. 7/10
9. If You Were There, Bee War - this song is super creepy. basically, two sick sex freaks (a dude and a chick) have a competition to see who can withstand a swarm of flying creatures with stingers [SPOILER ALERT: bees. it’s bees.] and the dude gives up first. he quits, loses to a girl, and walks away like some chump, shaming every self-respecting male on the planet. a real gritty story about the dangers of corncob behavior. 9/10
10. The Bad Song - Couldn’t listen past the first five seconds of this crap. The intro is probably the worst audio ever recorded since Jim Carrey’s pterodactyl screech in Dumb & Dumber. It was like “Doooooooo the-” “No.” The end. It’s probably a polka medley. I will never know. NA/10
11. Ol’ Jello Bricks - really bad ass. it’s just one guitar being bad ass and Axel Runter screaming at someone for not being as perfect as Axel Runter. That’s pretty much what he does in every song, but in this one it sounds like he’s doing it from inside a haunted house. Does get a bit confusing though. He wants to sleep in a city that never wakes up, but how will he get in? If everyone is asleep, who is gonna open the door? I like a good mystery. If Scooby Doo were still alive today, he would definitely enjoy this song. He’d probably hum it to himself while foiling the bad guy’s plan. “BLAST. I would’ve gotten away with this if it weren’t for you meddling kids,” the bad guy would probably say after having his mask removed. That doesn’t really have much to do with this review, but I really love when Scooby saves the day. I give this snog a whole box of Scooby Snacks. 10/10
12. Five Or Five - gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. 1/10

OVERALL SCORE: 9 out of 10. this is no ordinary Indie Rock music album. there are a few really shit snogs here, but the good ones are really good. Like, almost good enough to be a Linkin Park B-side. which is saying a lot, you guys. Favorite Worst Nightmear is a bold, take-no-prisoners assault on the senses. If you are a lame, boring corncob now, download this music album and you’ll upgrade to just lame and boring.

x TGWLB

"you’re a dumb skank but i still wanna do it, kinda."

—Less Eloquent Turner (via arcticmonkeysus)

GODDAMN YOU, BLAKE

GOD
DAMN
YOU 

"R U MINE? more like RUIN ME"

—Alex Turner Fangirl Who Is Probably Good At Scrabble (via arcticmonkeysus)