the resemblance is UNCANNY AMIRIGHT


Here’s the video of my cousin as he has to lick the trophy and put it on his head

You can hear me cackling in the background because I can’t handle anything and the entire time his friend Tom was like TERRY HAS TO FINISH HE HAS TO FINISH THE TROPHY 

HE HAS TO FINISH IT

IT’S NOT AN OPTION

HE MUST
FINISH
THE TROPHY

because it’s the most embarrassing thing he’s ever had to do in public probably


tonight at dinner my family was playing this drinking game called Mory’s Cup
it’s a Yale thing I guess whatever I understand nothing about Ivy school traditions and shit

but let me explain the most perfect game of all time

  • so you have this giant trophy filled with booze
  • and each person playing has to drink from it
  • when you’re done drinking you have to pass the cup to the right and turn it exactly 180 degrees to the next person
  • once you start the game, the trophy can’t touch the table
  • if someone is talking about you while you’re drinking from the trophy, you can’t stop drinking until they’ve stopped talking about you
  • and when you get to the bottom of the cup, the person who finishes it has to lick the rim of the trophy 3 times and spin it three times on their head while everyone sings an obnoxious song and bangs the table
  • when that’s done, if there is even one drop of booze left in the trophy, they have to buy the next round 

of course i couldn’t play it 
so my family’s been taunting me with the alcohol i can’t have this weekend and they’ve been binge drinking at every fucking meal and i’m just like

please
give me booze
PLEASE 


recap of Yale, day 1:

  • it’s Hogwarts
  • no really
  • you think i’m joking
  • but it’s Hogwarts
  • everything is beautiful even the streets and sidewalks are beautiful like there are no cracks or pot-holes this is entirely unfamiliar to me
  • everyone looks like they just stepped out of a J. Crew advertisement 
  • they’re so preppy it makes me want to set myself on fire
  • i want to live in every single library on campus
  • i don’t need a dorm or an apartment 
  • just let me sleep in the libraries 
  • saw the Gutenberg Bible in the flesh (well not really it’s a book it has no flesh you understand what i’m saying though) and surprisingly didn’t burst into flames 
  • also wow my cousin’s friend Matt is ridiculously attractive and he’s seen my covers before and told my cousin he wanted to buy my CD because he thought i was a real “”“”musician”“”“ 
  • and then he asked me to sign his arm or something like a famous person would do
  • and he hugged me even though we just met TODAY
  • WOW MARRY ME OKAY YOU JUST GRADUATED FROM YALE’S SCHOOL OF MANAGEMENT AND STUDIED STRATEGY AND MANAGEMENT WHO EVEN ARE YOU
  • Barbara Walters is speaking tomorrow at some grad event thing i have to go to
  • yay famous people

my aunt upon witnessing my tattoo for the first time today: is that a tattoo? did you get that done FOR REAL? OOOOOOH YOUR MOM IS NOT GOING TO BE PLEASED


apparently i don’t look stupid in hats

apparently i don’t look stupid in hats


hit 2,000 views on youtube todayeven though that’s basically nothing ALL I DO IS WIN  

hit 2,000 views on youtube today
even though that’s basically nothing ALL I DO IS WIN

 


still need to pack for my trip to yale

wow i am severely unexcited for this trip i just want to melt into my bed and watch shows about zombies 　


my cousin’s graduating from Yale in a couple of days and is going to Columbia for grad school

and i’m just sittin here like
i am a jobless “”“”blogger”“”” who isn’t failing college 

i bring dishonor on my family